remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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