shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
