i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
