Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They are going to name an STD after you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
