honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
