It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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