period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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