..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
