I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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