wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fuck appropriateness.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
