i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
