Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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