Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize