what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
