is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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