I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
