"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
