she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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