just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
