well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
