put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
