I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
