I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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