Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
