This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
