70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
