we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
