There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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