I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
