Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
