You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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