mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
