I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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