he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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