my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
