Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
