Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
