please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
