Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
