K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
