u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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