ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
