You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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