her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
