The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
