Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
