I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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