I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We don't watch enough power rangers
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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