i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
