John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
