Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
