Im at strip club and am horny
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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