my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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