i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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