Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
