also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
