Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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