the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
