a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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