if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
