So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
