I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
