Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
