The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
