you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
