Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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