Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
