Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
