Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
