Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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