it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
