i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
