Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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