I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
