Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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